I'm really over-whelmed right now.

[Taylor]

I don't really know where else I can post something like this. It'll probably be a long rant. I'd appreciate it if you guys actually read it, but I don't expect you to.

A few days ago I over-heard a conversation my mom was having and she said that my dad might be getting his cancer back. I can't remember what he had, I was so young then, but whatever it is, it's back. I didn't pay attention to much of the conversation. I'm not really close with my dad, but this hurt me a lot. I haven't told anyone this. To be honest I'm starting to think everyone I talk to secretly hates me, and this is the kind of things I'm just not comfortable telling them anymore. My mom definitely doesn't know I know, and I don't think she plans on telling me anytime soon.

So yesterday I thought I should just leave the house. And I slept over at a friends' who actually has been there for me recently, and stood behind me. I'm not going to lie though, she isn't the most comforting person ever. Most of you already know I told the guy I like I liked him then. She didn't really say anything, and I didn't want to cry, so I held it in. When I got home tonight I just kind of... broke down. I cried for a long time. I was supposed to go to Warped Tour on Saturday, but my ride is essentially his ride, so I'm not sure about it. He said he didn't want there to be tension, and he didn't want to seem like an asshole. I don't think he's an asshole, but I can't lie and say it's not going to be awkward. I'm awkward enough as it is. My mom also said I'm not going, so I'm probably not.

On top of that, I found an old friends tumblr. She deliberately talked shit about me, and you know what? I'm posting the fucking link. She lied about so many things, and I just can't believe it. Not from her. She was one of the nicest people I ever knew. I'm not going to say I'm not going to miss her, but it's going to be hard to pick out nice memories we had after this. There's nothing worse than losing a close friend. I hope she realizes how dumb she's being. It seriously hurts. Anyways, this is the post: http://42smithereens.tumblr.com/post/26460069259/team-t-vs-team-s

I won't lie, I stalked her tumblr a bit. I found out one of my closest friends Tyler, who's moving to Tennessee in a few days is having a surprise going away party and it's at my friend Carrigan's house. I didn't even know about this. She's supposedly inviting all her closest friends. That just hurts. That seriously hurts. Tyler is one of my closest firends, he's the only person who hasn't fucked me over completely. I was talking to Carrigan earlier, she didn't even mention a party, but she did mention that he was leaving on Saturday.

I'm losing friends left and right. I don't know what to do. I start my therapy soon. I don't want to go. I don't want to waste any day in a stupid room with a moron that's just going to ask "how do you feel about that?" I don't want to tell them anything about my suicidal thoughts fucking shit I can't take any of this anymore. I'm sick of this petty girl drama I'm being sucked into, and I just wish that I could find a guy who liked me, who genuinely just cared about me, but I know I don't need a guy to be happy I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT I WANT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING WITH MY LIFE AND I'M SHAKING AND CRYING RIGHT NOW AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

JUST FUCK.

[Fennec]

I don't know what else I can do other than hug you and say I love you, Taytay. But I do. -hug-

[Morgan]

I agree with Lizzi. You know I'm here for you love. You are amazing.
And she saying you were being petty? Da hell!? I mean she went and put in on tumblr calling you out on everything telling her side of it.
Bitches these days.
I'm going to come kidnap you and you will come live with me. Okay love!?
I love you!

[Taylor]

Thanks you guys <3
Seriously I don't know what's wrong with her. The fact that she dragged my friend Laura into it when she has nothing to do with this. That's just fucking... ugh.

& love you too <3

[Morgan]

Breathe love.
Bitches will be bitches.
Whores will be whores.
And attention seekers will do anything for their 15 minutes if fame.

[Taylor]

Ugh I know. I wish I just didn't care about any of this. Everyone acts like I don't care about anything, like I don't even have feelings. Wtf.

[Jenna]

Fucking hell.

I'm on my iPod, and I typed out this long ass reply, but then safari fucking crashed. That's great.

So I'll put this and give you the real reply later:

I'm always here for you. Just remember that. She's a cunt, blah blah blah.

[Taylor]

I hate safari. But thanks Jenna <3

[Taylor]

That girl. She deleted her tumblr again. She knew I found it I guess. BULLSHIT.
She doesn't want me showing people what she wrote about me? Fucking shit.

[Jenna]

So here's my better reply seeing as I am on a computer and I can write more easily.


So basically, I know how it is. Losing friends and not knowing what the fuck you're doing, I mean. It's crazy how fast I lose friends. I didn't have the issue until I moved, because I had had the same friends for eight plus years. Anyways, this isn't about me. Losing friends fucking sucks, but there's really not a way to avoid it. People walk into your life and leave just as abruptly. It's something you have to get used to. Getting used to it sucks almost as much as losing friends, but fuck, there's really no way around it. People are shit and they are selfish and it's crazy. But I can promise you this: the people on this site, this family, will not leave you. We may lose contact over time, but it doesn't mean we left. We'll all grow up and we'll all change, but we'll always be the family that we are. There is no changing that. And not knowing what the fuck you're doing? Join the club. I am the president, if you were wondering. Seriously, I am the fucking queen of not knowing what the fuck I'm doing, where my life is going, all that good shit. Just know that I am always here for you. Legitimately always. If you want to rant, then fucking rant. If you want to cry, then fucking cry. Do whatever you want. It's your life and you don't have to please people.

"I can't tell you what the key to happiness is, but I can tell you what the key to unhappiness is: trying to please everyone."

I swear on my life that that is a quote (more or less) I've read before. I'm pretty sure Ed Sheeran said it. It might not be those exact words, but it's the same thing. I promise that that is the sure fire way to be unhappy: pleasing everyone but yourself.

Therapy could be good for you. Even if you don't think so right now, it could. It could help you get over stuff. It could help you cope and shit. All that good shit, right?

Anyways, I love you. <3

[Jenna]

She's such a damn cunt. Like seriously, go on somewhere.

[Mrs.Fred_Weasley]

The tumblr link isn't working and I'm kind of glad :/ maybe she got banned or deleted it or whatever,I hope she did.
I love you Taylor<3
I'm so sorry that that is happening to you,that all this SHIT is happening to you that your friends seem to be keeping stuff from you for no reason.I think you should confront your friend with the really cool name and ask her about it.And if she lies well...You know she's not truly a friend.
And Jenna is so right about therapy,it could absolutely be good for you.Just let everything flow out without giving them a chance to say how you feel about it until the very end and maybe,they'll ask you real questions.
Again,I love you Taylor and I will always be here for you <3

[Taylor]

She deleted it. I don't think my friends would believe me now if I tried to show them that post, that's the only thing that bugs me about it. God, she said nasty fucking things. I hate girls.

Anyways, Jenna; To be honest, I don't even try to please everyone. I don't know I've done it a few times but mostly I really don't because I'm tired of getting fucked over.
But I hope so. I love you too <3

& Vicky: I was thinking of confronting her last night when I was talking to her. I kind of mentioned it, because I asked what she was doing tomorrow and she said hanging out with Tyler, and I was like damn. I'm going to really miss Tyler, I haven't seen him all summer.
And she just said yeah.
So I'm not going to say anything. I wrote him a letter though and I'm going to give it to her to give to him, or if I have to I can just send him a facebook message or some crap. That would suck though, I want it to be handwritten. Whatever.
Love you too <3

Thank you both soooo much. I don't know what I would do without this website. Seriously.

[Taylor]

ooh update on that whole farewell party thing.
Well, right now it's 5 and my friend message me saying that she talked to Carrigan about it and Carrigan said she didn't invite me because Sara (girl who wrote nasty tumblr post) and Dan (Carrigan's douche bag boyfriend) are there. Which doesn't make sense at all. When I don't like someone, I don't go up to them in public and make a scene, ESPECIALLY not at a friends party. They're the one that started stuff with me anyways, and I've known Carrigan and Tyler longer than those two so it would make more sense that I'd be invited, but you know whatever.
Carrigan had me thinking this entire time that she agreed with me on the whole Sara ordeal, but I'm pretty sure she's just telling me what I want to hear from her. I'm so aggravated jesus christ. I'm going over to give him the letter and just hug and say goodbye to him, but then I'm leaving. I'm not going to be in a room with people who hate me. Not going to happen.

[Sauske Is A Cat]

I'm so sorry that all this bullshit is happening to you Taylor. I know how much it sucks to lose a friend and be talked shit about by a bunch of girls who just want to start shit. I know you've heard all of this before, but I really don't know what else to say. I'm not very good at advice and comforting, even though everyone seems to come to me for it. I love you, Taylor. We all do.

[Taylor]

It's fine. And thank you, I love you too <3
I don't know sometimes people don't need long comforting posts, they just need to know someone knows what's going on and actually cares. If that makes any sense.

[Sauske Is A Cat]

Yeah, I get what you mean. But if you ever need to vent or whatever, you can message me on here or facebook or something.

[Taylor]

Thank you, same goes for you, and anyone else who needs to rant. <3

[Sauske Is A Cat]

Any time. :D

[Jenna]

Well I'm sorry that people are such dicks. It make no sense whatsoever to not invite you to that. Ugh, whatever.

THAT'S WHEN YOU JUST USE MEAN GIRLS QUOTES AND KEEP ON SWAGGING ON.





And Sauske, WE AREN'T FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK, SLUT. WHY NOT? And your quote from Sanctuary in your bio is absolutely amazing. <3

[Taylor]

I guess I just need to get used to it.

Now this bitch is telling me she wants to talk with me in person, with everyone (Carrigan, Laura, too), and I'm like no. Fuck you. I'm completely done with you, I don't want to be friends.
But then everyone's going to be like what's wrong with you just try.
But I'm done.

[Fennec]

That chick is a cunt-muffin and a bitch-nugget!

[Sauske Is A Cat]

I'm sorry Jenna! I'll send you a link. D:

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