Update, I guess?

[Taylor]

I know most of you don't care, but I really need to rant, and since my school has taken over tumblr & twitter, this is the only place left. Sorry if I wasted your time.

But anyways, I started school last week, and it is absolutely horrible. First, I just want to give you some background information on the school. I go to Morton West high school. It's not in a very good part of town. Half the people there are me-no-speaky's (no offense to any Mexican's, but if you've been living here for a while, I expect you to know English, this IS America) or "ghetto" people. It is very rare to find any white person there. I'm completely serious, and not trying to be racist. Actually, white people are constantly called crackers and most of them get beat up more than Mexicans or Blacks. I am white and I was terrified because my brother told me a bunch of stories about how his friends always got beat up. One his friend's got punched so hard, and he was just walking down the hall minding his business, by the way, his jaw BROKE. The school is poorly funded, and the education is horrible. I'm not just saying this because I hate the school, the education is REALLY bad. I have friends who go to other schools who are learning stuff that I have never even heard of in my entire life. Actually, the education at my middle school was pretty damn horrible too. So maybe it's a good thing I went here.

But I don't know anyone in any of my classes, I know you'll all say yeahyeah, make friends, but I'm not a social person. I don't like making new friends, and I will not just start a random conversation with somebody. Not to mention, I hate people in general, and all of the people so far have annoyed me in some way. If I don't "mosh" to all of my classes, I'd be late, and if you're late you have to go to the Dean's office & get a pass & they call home and consider it a cut if it's like five minutes or so.

It's only like... what the fifth full day of school? I've already witnessed like three fights.

No one likes me because I look different than them, because I have dyed hair & I listen to deathcore music, so obviously I'm a freak. I'm also like a loner. I practically sit alone at lunch. & believe me, I tried going to the bathroom to eat, but the security guards don't let you out of the lunchroom unless you're eating in the halls (there are tables out there because the school is so damn over-crowded, AND YES I SAID SECURITY GUARDS. IT'S HOW VIOLENT EVERYONE IS.)

And in other news, I feel like every single person, on here & in real life, just ignores everything I say, so there's no point anymore.

I got rejected by the guy I like, which I should just get over, but for some reason I can't, and it seems that since he rejected me, every day I just notice something else that is shit about my life, and since then I've cried myself to sleep every night.

Does anyone care?

No, of course not. Why would anyone care about me.

I've had a headache for the past week. My doctor says it's stress-induced, & nothing I've taken is making it go away, or relaxing it in the slightest. But it's stopping me from cutting, so you know what, whatever. Because I promised myself that I would never do that, but it isn't that easy.

I made a promise that I'd make friends this year and stop being the weird kid that everyone hates, but I just don't see that happening. The only person I'd even consider somewhat of a friend in any of my classes is obsessed with Nicki Minaj, and is really fucking creepy. & I'm sure he only talks to me because he's forced to sit next to me.

The teachers already dislike me because I never turn in those things that you have to sign, and I think I'm failing every class.

So this'll be a great year, I can just tell.

[Mrs.Fred_Weasley]

You're not the weird person Taylor,you're the unique one who has a damn opinion that isn't like everyone elses

[Taylor]

Yeah, well. That doesn't do me any good, because to everyone in that goddamn school that DOES make me weird. :/

[Morgan]

Taylor-
I know what its like to be in your place. I havent started school but IM a freshman this year and our school is over populated also. Our school is violent and most of the people are on drugs. IM the 'Weird' one and sometimes the 'nerd' because I do OK in classes. But Im the weird one because I keep to myself because no one understands me. I think its better to be weird or as I see it, being yourself. Its better than being a follower. Dont let them get yo you Taylor. Your an amazing person and if they are to goddamn dumb to not take the time to get to know you and talk to you and love you for YOU than it their loss.
On the boy issue, yes its hard to get over someone. I know. But it makes you stronger. Maybe not now and maybe not next month but soon you will realize they where not the one. But they could be the one, you never know. They just might not see how amazing you are.
Cutting, is hard to stop. I was know for cutting and being depressed and suicidal untill I found who I was. When I realized that everything everyone was saying about me was wrong things started getting better. I have a handfull of 'friends' and most of them I dont talk to. I have one friend I talk to everyday. Someday someone will realize your someone they should be friends with. Its hard, I know where you are coming from. I realate with you one hundred and ten percent. If you ever need to talk, Im online almost everyday, not much on Sundays but any other day Im on (That will change on the 12th because I start school but Ill be on in the afternoon) If you need someone to talk to you can always PM me. I see most people on here as family or friends and you fall into that catagory Taylor. Id do anything to make anyone on this site happy and if that means getting a plane ticket and flying to where ever you live and beating the crap out of some people I will.
-Love, NeavehBaby,

[Taylor]

When do you start school? But yeah. I mean usually I am like the nerdy kid, because I usually do all my work but now like everything else is just more important than getting a stupid paper signed. I don't know. & yeah, I mean I intend to act like myself, but if I do, I'll just be awkward & anti-social & won't make any friends. I don't know, I've been working on it. I'm just going to add people who seem nice on facebook, because I'm creepy like that, and then hopefully I'll end up talking to some of them on there, & they'll talk to me in school... if that makes any sense. xD
& For a while I thought it would be easy to get over, because I wouldn't see him, but I swear it's like ever since I've told him I've seen him 10x more than I have the entire summer before that. I don't see him at school, because he goes to a different one, though, so maybe it'll get easier...
& yeah, when I was in sixth grade I did, but I stopped because I realized how stupid I was being, and since then I told myself I'd never cut again. & it hasn't exactly been the easiest thing, & I've broken that promise a few times, but I'm trying not to. I don't know. The headache got better, & I'm not sure if that's good or bad.
& thanks for that. It means a lot. If you need to talk, I'm here too. I check this thing at least once, usually way more, times a day, but I never really stay on. But I mean, if I'm messaging you or someone I'll reply. Just... I'm usually not doing anything so.

[Morgan]

If you want, I can PM you my name, or a link to my Facebook and you can add me on their. IM always on their and here at the same time. I have no life ): Anyway, I dont start till the 12th so just a few more days. And if I need to talk to anyone, Ill make sure to talk to you.
I promise! Everything will get better.

[Taylor]

Yeah, send me your facebook & I'll add you. I'm pretty much always on there, & I get notifications sent to my phone, so even if I'm not, I can reply.
& I'm sorry, I saw that you said that but I had already asked that, because I typed my reply as I read haha. xD But I hope you have a good year & everything. I really want to try to enjoy high school, because I didn't enjoy middle school at all because I just.. didn't try at anything. so. :b
& I hope so. I'm sure it will, it'll just take time.

[Jenna]

I'm super sorry, Taylor. I know how it is. There's this guy in one of my classes that tells me to go kill myself because I'm going nowhere in life everyday. Almost everyone hates me because I'm "different".
I'm not trying to be mean or whatever, but when you said you tried to eat in the bathroom, my mind instantly went to Mean Girls. You know, like on her first day of school she eats in the bathroom? Yea. I'm a loser because I know that.
Can't you try and get transferred to a different school? This one sounds terrible and I'm truly sorry you have to attend it. If it makes you feel any better, when I moved, the state I moved to is a year behind where I was. So I'm super bored in all my classes. Then again, I'm only an eighth grader, but whatever.
While I'm writing this, I'm going through some crap too (I think I'll make a thread about it. If you wanna read it, it should be up when you read this reply. If not, then message me and I'll just tell you. That goes for anyone reading this.)
Sorry, I got off the choo-choo train for a second. Anyways, I don't know what else to tell you but to keep your head up. It's gonna get better sooner or later. They're gonna open up because they're gonna realize how stupid they're being.

I love you, Taylor. I want you to know that you're beautiful and perfect just the way you are. <3

[Taylor]

I'm sorry, Jenna, that guy's a douche bag. & haha, it's fine. I love that movie... not so much anymore, when I have to deal with people like that, but.
& No, I can't. I'm not in any other districts for the other schools, my mom isn't going to move for me, and an out-of-district fee is like $2,000 a year at the only good school around here. So, there's absolutely no way I can go there. & I'll read it as soon as I'm done replying to everything on here.
& I hope so. Thank you so much <3

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