a rant...per usual.

[Jenna]

i just need to rant a bit about just...everything, i guess. and i'm honestly just too lazy to capitalize right now as i'm on the laptop and yea, so.

i absolutely hate summer. i hate it with a passion. i don't do anything. my 'friends' are like,"let's hang out!" and i'm honestly just too tired/lazy to do anything. all i do every single summer is sleep. i sleep until two or three in the afternoon because i honestly have no reason to get up and get dressed and look good. and that always leads to my friends texting me or whatever at like, ten in the morning asking if i'm up and i never am. never. and everyone thinks i'm full of shit when i say that i just hate people. i hate going out places. i hate everything. i have social anxiety and i swear i'm bipolar and i'm so self-conscious when i'm out with my friends that i have a terrible time. i literally don't know what's wrong with me. i see everyone having fun and i'm always like,"i'll go have fun!" and i just never do. i want to. i swear i do. but i just can't find the drive to do anything. my friends all think i'm full of shit when i say that i try to be happy, but i'm just not. i don't want to tell my parents because i already disappoint them enough. so whenever they ask why i never want to hang out with friends, i always just say that my friends are always busy. or i blame it on the fact we rarely have any extra money to do anything. which is true, if you were wondering. and i just...i don't even know anymore. i swear it's getting harder and harder everyday to lay in bed and do nothing. i wanna do something--anything--but i just don't know what to do. and lately, everything everyone does just bothers me to no extent and i don't know what to do about it. i just...i wish i could turn off everything around me all the time. like, if i could turn off people, i would. facebook bothers me so much. i just can't stand it. the only reason why i still have mine is because i'm doing the 365 day photo challenge on it and i don't wanna do it on instagram. i know, i'm such a hipster; i have the instagram app downloaded. i don't even care. i swear, i could delete my facebook, change my number, change my email, change my instagram, and everything, and i doubt anyone would notice. i could go back to school and no one would be like,"what happened to you?!" no one would notice. no one would care. i wonder sometimes why i just don't do all of that, but i'm not a fan of change and i've had most of my stuff how it is for a year plus so it would be hard for me to change. and lately everyone from my town is like,"ohmahgawd, one directioonnnnnnnn!" and i just want to shoot them all. they were supposed to be my secret. they WERE my secret for a while and now it's hard to change, y'know? and i don't like sharing them. i sound selfish, but i am selfish. i'm a very selfish person. and recently, i did NJROTC (navy junior reserve officer training corps) boot camp and i feel like that's where i belong. i know it's where i belong. so now i'm questioning if maybe the navy or the marines is where i belong. i mean, i have no other idea what i want to do when i'm done with school. i always thought maybe something with music, but i really don't know. my grades are pretty good and all, but i have no idea what i wanna be. i always say i have plenty of time to figure it all out, but i really don't. time's running out. it's running out fast, actually. and that scares the shit out of me. i don't even know anymore. i just...i'm sick of everything and everyone and just, ugh.

get me out of here.