Cupcakes Taste Like Salamanders. The story.
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Cupcakes Taste Like Salamanders. The story.
Guest Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:32 am
This is a re-write of an old story of mine.So yeah, it was really bad grammar-wise, and I really liked the story.A lot of friends also liked it, and I thought it would be a shame just to forget about it because it was poorly-written.SO HERE IT IS;[/i]
The year is 13 A.D. and as of now, Godzilla just so happens to rule the world. All of the humans on this Earth are retarded. Whether that be physically or mentally, well that all depends on the human. Some are both, some are one or the other. And, of course, just to build to this problem, every other creature is either too timid or too weak to fight the almighty Godzilla. My name is Larry, and I am one of the lucky penguins. You see, our species was the first to get destroyed. The penguins. He thinks that he's killed all of us, but obviously not.
It all started when the female penguins laid their eggs. If you know anything about anything, you'll know that the females had to go run off and get food for before the eggs hatched. Obviously, this was so the babies weren't hungry. Jesus, you must be a human. So damn stupid...
Anyways, right now we really have no food at all, besides the pizza place. Sure, I like pizza, and I'd have no problem with eating it every day for every meal that I have, but you see, the pizza place is way too far for me to get food from. it's six hundred and sixty-six miles away from my house. [Yes. I counted.] The good thing, is that those amazing pizza delivery men made the first jet pack! Which results in very speedy delivery.
I would say the biggest problem with being a penguin is our legs. DAYUM, they're short. I mean seriously. It makes walking a hella lot harder. I mean really. It takes us days just to walk around our house, imagine how hard it is for the females to get food!
Now, before I actually begin to tell you my story, I need to warn you. This is not some dumb made up story by a thirteen year old girl that has an effed up brain. No. This is real. Everything that you will read is very much true. Anyone that tells you otherwise is a big fat liar and deserves to be hung. It might be a little hard to believe, though, considering that the adventures I participate in are amazing and the randomness is off the hizzle fo chizzle shizzle [WORD!]. Now, if you do decide to keep on reading, you cannot stop. For whatever reason you may want to stop for; you can't. Or, you will die. So, since I'm sure you don't want to die, you might as well keep on reading.
Stay tuned for the first chapter of my life. Before things got truley.. well.. out of control.
Your dear friend, Larry.
The year is 13 A.D. and as of now, Godzilla just so happens to rule the world. All of the humans on this Earth are retarded. Whether that be physically or mentally, well that all depends on the human. Some are both, some are one or the other. And, of course, just to build to this problem, every other creature is either too timid or too weak to fight the almighty Godzilla. My name is Larry, and I am one of the lucky penguins. You see, our species was the first to get destroyed. The penguins. He thinks that he's killed all of us, but obviously not.
It all started when the female penguins laid their eggs. If you know anything about anything, you'll know that the females had to go run off and get food for before the eggs hatched. Obviously, this was so the babies weren't hungry. Jesus, you must be a human. So damn stupid...
Anyways, right now we really have no food at all, besides the pizza place. Sure, I like pizza, and I'd have no problem with eating it every day for every meal that I have, but you see, the pizza place is way too far for me to get food from. it's six hundred and sixty-six miles away from my house. [Yes. I counted.] The good thing, is that those amazing pizza delivery men made the first jet pack! Which results in very speedy delivery.
I would say the biggest problem with being a penguin is our legs. DAYUM, they're short. I mean seriously. It makes walking a hella lot harder. I mean really. It takes us days just to walk around our house, imagine how hard it is for the females to get food!
Now, before I actually begin to tell you my story, I need to warn you. This is not some dumb made up story by a thirteen year old girl that has an effed up brain. No. This is real. Everything that you will read is very much true. Anyone that tells you otherwise is a big fat liar and deserves to be hung. It might be a little hard to believe, though, considering that the adventures I participate in are amazing and the randomness is off the hizzle fo chizzle shizzle [WORD!]. Now, if you do decide to keep on reading, you cannot stop. For whatever reason you may want to stop for; you can't. Or, you will die. So, since I'm sure you don't want to die, you might as well keep on reading.
Stay tuned for the first chapter of my life. Before things got truley.. well.. out of control.
Your dear friend, Larry.
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Re: Cupcakes Taste Like Salamanders. The story.
Abby Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:38 am
OMFG! CLAP CLAP CLAP! You have made my day. This is a great story. 
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Re: Cupcakes Taste Like Salamanders. The story.
Guest Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:39 am
WEWT. :333
And that isn't even like.. part of it. xD
Just.. the intro. I have only the first chapter written out. And I'll post that tomorrow after school.
And that isn't even like.. part of it. xD
Just.. the intro. I have only the first chapter written out. And I'll post that tomorrow after school.
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Re: Cupcakes Taste Like Salamanders. The story.
Guest Wed Sep 29, 2010 5:46 am
Before Godzilla was even born, the penguins ruled the world. Before we ruled the world, humans did. So, as you can tell, us penguins do not get along with the humans. In fact, we hate them. Hate them with a burning passion of fire. Maybe that was a little extreme, but oh well.
I live in Japan. Odd, isn't it? Japan isn't cold, I mean, not as cold as it should be for us penguins to be leaving there, but you see, in 13 A.D. we hadn't adapted to cold weather. Remember kids, Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492. not 13 A.D.
As a kid, being a penguin wasn't very fun. The humans were ruling then. Though, we didn't really have beef with them until we took there place, but.. I'll discuss that later. The humans were outrageous, and power-hungry. Stupid, too. They invented this useless thing called money. What the eff? green paper with numbers on it. How pointless is that? It just makes people feel bad about themselves when they don't have a lot of the stupid green paper.
You can probably tell that my parents were among the unlucky ones that didn't have a lot of the stupid green paper. But, it wasn't there faults. Humans only gave jobs to.. well.. humans. Penguins, ligers, Fairies, Mongoose, all the other animals, we were left in the wild to fend for ourselves. How terrible!
Growing up in the wild wasn't very fun. We obviously had nothing. lived in the forests, a few lucky species got to live in tents and stuff that they made out of the trees and various other plants.
Everything started to change, though, on April 12th. Yes. We gained our power that day. And we have yet to lose it. Honestly, with the stupidity of these humans just getting worse and worse, I don't think they'll ever get their power back.
Alright, well, I think we should get back to the actual story at hand now..
Anyways, the female penguins left. And for once, the small town of Scranton was at peace. no nagging, and no complaining. Everything was great. Don't get me wrong, though, I love my wife, Madge, she just irritates me sometimes.
It was the day after they left that my friend Dwight gave me a call. Said something about the game. I really hated when he did this. I was watching the game at my house, probably the best game ever since it was my two favorite teams. They yellow chickens and the black see monkeys. I really don't know which one I like more, and which one I wanted to win, but it would probably be the yellow chickens. Their name is just so much better!
He expected me to walk over to his house. it shouldn't have been that hard, since he lives a mere five feet from me, but then again WE HAVE SHORT LEGS. I started walking anyways, but by the time I got there a few days had passed ad the game was already over. Offf courseee, did I really expect it to be any different?
I left at once. What was the point in staying? Besides, his house smelled. Badly. And I have no idea why.
After getting back home, and sitting down on my bed, I received another phone call from my dear friend Dwight. Yes, he's that type of person..
"Yes?"
"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!!!!! You have to see what I did! Come over here, now!"
Nodding to myself, I hung up the phone and walked over to his house. Might as well save the headache, because if I didn't he would bother me about it until I gave in.
Upon arriving at his house, I noticed that he had an odd painting in front of him. There was a cover over it, though, so I couldn't see what exactly he drew.
Nodding towards it, I raised an eyebrow. [yes, penguins have eyebrows, alright? God, I know you're a human, but are you really this stupid!?] "Mind taking that.. thing.. off so I can see the masterpiece?"
Smiling brightly, he ripped the cover off, and not being able to control myself, I burst into hysterics.
The painting was of a girl, which of whom he called the Mona Lisa. It was terrible, I mean terrible. So gay. And that's exactly what I told him. Why lie? It would just make everything so much worse. "We need to burn that." I mumbled, throwing it out his window. it landed in our neighbors yards, he was actually an aspiring artist, but well.. he sucked at art. The only thing he knew how to draw were gay little stick people, and some stick animals. His name was Van Gough.
Resisting the urge to cry, as I was walking away, Dwight yelled out that he had something else to show me. Some type of software? Microsoft he called it? It was supposed to be useful for computers, but what the hell is that? I threw this as well out of the window, only it landed in our other neighbors yard. Bill Gates. he thought he would be famous for his inventions, and that he would be a billionaire. Psh, he's worse than Dwight when it comes to inventions!
It was only the next day when the females came home from their trip, which was surprising. They had never gotten back this fast, though apparently further down in the city, penguins had started making automobiles, which they named cars. Don't ask me about the name, it makes no sense. Why would they name something a car?
The eggs hatched a few seconds after the females came home, which was also an odd occurrence. I went along with it, though, because everything was going great.
That was, of course, not going to last.
I live in Japan. Odd, isn't it? Japan isn't cold, I mean, not as cold as it should be for us penguins to be leaving there, but you see, in 13 A.D. we hadn't adapted to cold weather. Remember kids, Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492. not 13 A.D.
As a kid, being a penguin wasn't very fun. The humans were ruling then. Though, we didn't really have beef with them until we took there place, but.. I'll discuss that later. The humans were outrageous, and power-hungry. Stupid, too. They invented this useless thing called money. What the eff? green paper with numbers on it. How pointless is that? It just makes people feel bad about themselves when they don't have a lot of the stupid green paper.
You can probably tell that my parents were among the unlucky ones that didn't have a lot of the stupid green paper. But, it wasn't there faults. Humans only gave jobs to.. well.. humans. Penguins, ligers, Fairies, Mongoose, all the other animals, we were left in the wild to fend for ourselves. How terrible!
Growing up in the wild wasn't very fun. We obviously had nothing. lived in the forests, a few lucky species got to live in tents and stuff that they made out of the trees and various other plants.
Everything started to change, though, on April 12th. Yes. We gained our power that day. And we have yet to lose it. Honestly, with the stupidity of these humans just getting worse and worse, I don't think they'll ever get their power back.
Alright, well, I think we should get back to the actual story at hand now..
Anyways, the female penguins left. And for once, the small town of Scranton was at peace. no nagging, and no complaining. Everything was great. Don't get me wrong, though, I love my wife, Madge, she just irritates me sometimes.
It was the day after they left that my friend Dwight gave me a call. Said something about the game. I really hated when he did this. I was watching the game at my house, probably the best game ever since it was my two favorite teams. They yellow chickens and the black see monkeys. I really don't know which one I like more, and which one I wanted to win, but it would probably be the yellow chickens. Their name is just so much better!
He expected me to walk over to his house. it shouldn't have been that hard, since he lives a mere five feet from me, but then again WE HAVE SHORT LEGS. I started walking anyways, but by the time I got there a few days had passed ad the game was already over. Offf courseee, did I really expect it to be any different?
I left at once. What was the point in staying? Besides, his house smelled. Badly. And I have no idea why.
After getting back home, and sitting down on my bed, I received another phone call from my dear friend Dwight. Yes, he's that type of person..
"Yes?"
"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!!!!! You have to see what I did! Come over here, now!"
Nodding to myself, I hung up the phone and walked over to his house. Might as well save the headache, because if I didn't he would bother me about it until I gave in.
Upon arriving at his house, I noticed that he had an odd painting in front of him. There was a cover over it, though, so I couldn't see what exactly he drew.
Nodding towards it, I raised an eyebrow. [yes, penguins have eyebrows, alright? God, I know you're a human, but are you really this stupid!?] "Mind taking that.. thing.. off so I can see the masterpiece?"
Smiling brightly, he ripped the cover off, and not being able to control myself, I burst into hysterics.
The painting was of a girl, which of whom he called the Mona Lisa. It was terrible, I mean terrible. So gay. And that's exactly what I told him. Why lie? It would just make everything so much worse. "We need to burn that." I mumbled, throwing it out his window. it landed in our neighbors yards, he was actually an aspiring artist, but well.. he sucked at art. The only thing he knew how to draw were gay little stick people, and some stick animals. His name was Van Gough.
Resisting the urge to cry, as I was walking away, Dwight yelled out that he had something else to show me. Some type of software? Microsoft he called it? It was supposed to be useful for computers, but what the hell is that? I threw this as well out of the window, only it landed in our other neighbors yard. Bill Gates. he thought he would be famous for his inventions, and that he would be a billionaire. Psh, he's worse than Dwight when it comes to inventions!
It was only the next day when the females came home from their trip, which was surprising. They had never gotten back this fast, though apparently further down in the city, penguins had started making automobiles, which they named cars. Don't ask me about the name, it makes no sense. Why would they name something a car?
The eggs hatched a few seconds after the females came home, which was also an odd occurrence. I went along with it, though, because everything was going great.
That was, of course, not going to last.
Guest- Guest
Re: Cupcakes Taste Like Salamanders. The story.
Abby Wed Sep 29, 2010 8:46 am
This is an amazing story and everyone that doesn't read it is wasting their lives! Mhmmm.
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Re: Cupcakes Taste Like Salamanders. The story.
Guest Thu Sep 30, 2010 4:56 am
Yes. Yes, they are. xD
I still need to write the next chatper, but I'm too lazy.
I still need to write the next chatper, but I'm too lazy.
Guest- Guest
Re: Cupcakes Taste Like Salamanders. The story.
Abby Thu Sep 30, 2010 9:11 am
Yes, laziness is a very addictive thing. We seen to have a surplus of it in the U.S.
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Re: Cupcakes Taste Like Salamanders. The story.
Abby Fri Oct 01, 2010 4:46 am
>.< I wish I could slap something alive, but they would say ouch. I need to get rid of anger at people.... I DO NOT HAVE ANGER ISSUES. but seriously I don't. Post!
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Re: Cupcakes Taste Like Salamanders. The story.
Guest Fri Oct 01, 2010 4:53 am
Lol. I can't write right now. I have to write this stupid essay about something fun that happened in the fall, but NOTHING fun happens in the fall, so I have to make something up.
Guest- Guest
Re: Cupcakes Taste Like Salamanders. The story.
Abby Fri Oct 01, 2010 4:58 am
Say something sappy like Halloween. xD
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Re: Cupcakes Taste Like Salamanders. The story.
Guest Fri Oct 01, 2010 5:01 am
Well.. I seriously can't think of what to write. It has to be something that happened, but nothing happens, and it's just like what the fucking fuck. Dx
I have the PERFECT opening sentence written down, and right now I'm writing garbage about a Halloween party, but I'm not feeling it, and if I can't feel it, then I can't write it.
I have the PERFECT opening sentence written down, and right now I'm writing garbage about a Halloween party, but I'm not feeling it, and if I can't feel it, then I can't write it.
Guest- Guest
Re: Cupcakes Taste Like Salamanders. The story.
Abby Fri Oct 01, 2010 5:02 am
Hmmm, good luck with that.
Abby- annnnnddddd you're fabulous.
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